What I know now

I was digging through old pictures and videos of Logan and my reaction surprised me. They were from a time when this little boy was lost and unable to communicate. The images should have brought back all those feelings of helplessness, fear and uncertainty. I should have been crying. But I wasn't. I was laughing. From the crash course in autism I have had since Logan's diagnosis, I now look at these images and wonder how I could have questioned whether or not my son had autism. From the first day I noticed one of Logan's behaviours until the day we walked into Autism Partnership, I knew that Logan was developing differently than other children. I just didn't know if it was autism. People would tell me he was fine or that he would "grow out of it". I didn't believe them. As a mom, I knew and I accepted that Logan was different. I just needed to know what "it" was. As I learned about autistic traits, it felt like I was seeing "it" everywhere. I want to share with you some traits you often see in children with autism.

1. Eye Contact - It was very difficult for Logan to make eye contact. I felt like I had to work really hard to get his attention. The doctors initially thought Logan had a hearing problem.

2. Flapping -Flapping is very common in children with autism. Because Logan was so young when he was diagnosed I didn't notice it as much as when he grew older. This is one of those things I look back on and see clearly now. To the unaware, in toddlers, the flapping may just look like they are excited. I can remember I would call Logan my little bird because he would flap so much. Our doctors initially tested him for seizures.

3. Toe Walking & Bouncing - From the moment he could walk, Logan would walk on his tippy toes and bounce a lot. Our doctors wondered if the muscles in his legs were long enough.

I am not sure why these traits are often present in children with autism but they are very common. The flapping is what sent me to the doctors with Logan. I was worried about seizures. His whole body would stiffen up and shake and it would happen numerous times a day. Once seizures were ruled out and his hearing test came back normal, they put it all together and suggested we have him assessed for autism. It seems so clear to me now but hindsight is always 20/20.... At the time, it seemed to take a long time to get a diagnosis. In reality, Logan was diagnosed with autism earlier than many children and therefore has been able to benefit from early intensive intervention.

I am happy to report that Logan is now able to control all of the traits listed above. It was a lot of hard work with his behavioral consultant and aides. It is also a daily struggle but he is aware of it and has control. We are so proud of him.

This video is of Logan "not cool" flapping.



This video is of Logan "cool" not flapping.



** "cool" and "not cool" are terms used in therapy with Logan. He understands that the goal is to keep his body "cool".